Why do I keep hurting myself?
Some say let it go. But why can’t I simply let go?
Some say time will heal. But I can’t wait for that time to come. I can’t go through the process because I can’t just bear emotional pain.
Why am I caught in a vicious cycle of love and pain and can never find eternal happiness?
Some say because you are falling in love with the thought of love and live in the fantasy side of it, instead of facing its reality.
Why?
Why everytime I love the world withdraws? To be precise, why everytime I am hurt I withdraw and why I cower in one corner in deep solitude?
Why?
Do I need to cry? But I have shed a lot tears already.
Do I need to wait? Is there a clear tomorrow for me?
Do I have to fight for this love? How? I cannot fight for it. As much as I want to have a fight for this love but I just simply can’t. It’s not about me incapable of fighting. It’s just because of its nature, of its rarity and fragility. I already pushed everything to the wall. Everything is in riddle and sometimes I feel I am playing a great part in this dark parody and later to be left unnoticed. I want to fight for this love but I don’t know where to start or how to fight for it.
It is indeed a love story. But it’s painful. Very painful and my silence is ramifying inside of me shattering everything inside out.
Why am I not learning the lessons of love? Why? Maybe, I am overly romantic and intoxicating. Maybe… yes maybe I just need to shut up sometimes.
Don’t fall in love. Why? Can’t we do something about it that both parties can find satisfaction and happiness? I can adjust and I would understand as long as I know the reason. One thing that is killing me is the fact that why everything is murky. I just can’t simply see through them.
Yes. Everything was clear. But I just couldn’t help myself falling in love. Was it wrong? Was it forbidden? Why it couldn’t be something that we could work out? Why is it me who is always in pain Why?
Why everything needs to have limits? Why everything needs to end?
Why?
Why do I need to pay pain for every second of happiness?
All I just want is to love him. And I am hoping that he can give me another chance to prove it. This time I don’t care if he loves me or not.
Why can’t he just let me love him?
Can we start all over again?
I have slept so much and I need to see the dawn.
Somehow, I am hoping he would hear the longing of my heart.
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