From Canada to Somewhere

It’s raining hard outside. My body is again in stasis mode, making hard for my system to seize the day. So I slept whole day and did not attend my classes this morning. When I woke up few hours ago my stomach was grumbling. So, I prepared my breakfast and good mug of coffee, Nescafe Vanilla Flavor. Right now, I have a second mug of coffee here in front of me, enjoying a sip while writing this, as well as the sound of the rain outside.

I scoured my mind for today’s topic but I couldn’t find an appropriate starting point of my thoughts. I was supposed to write my reflections on a certain intellectual issue but there was a missing connection in my brain that I could not explicitly express my analyses. As the minute electric current traveled through the wires of my brain, it passed through a certain node that reminded me of some remote philosophical exposition of myself. Everything started to tick from that point and now here I am recalling that distant past of my lightcone.

Two weeks ago, while I was having my “yosi” break from the lecture of the training I was attending (Project Management Training, UP Technology Management Center), I overheard two MS management students discussing about leaving the country and working abroad with lucrative salary offering. They were talking about the working atmosphere in Guam, Saipan, Taiwan, Japan, New Zealand and US. Upon hearing their conversation, I also asked myself if I have plans to leave the country. Several weeks before this I was discussing with Pow (my good friend) of my indefinite plan to go to Canada. I couldn’t help myself, but I was terribly bothered by this thought. Am I really planning to do this? Did I ever plan this? Yes, when I was a child. I was planning to live in New York, having my own pad there, working hard and living life in very cosmopolitan way. But I never ever did plan in my life to live somewhere, to work hard, to earn so much money, to become very rich and when I go home to become famous in my town. So, what I really want in my life?

For the interim, I shelved that thought and went back to the training room. That evening, while preparing myself to sleep, my mind did not stop bothering me about that topic. I took a stick cigarette, prepared a good mug of coffee and sat on my bed, contemplating and reflecting solemnly on this matter. I wasn’t able to provide myself a good and satisfactory answer until last night.

It was Mr. Linderman (Heroes character), who supplied the right answer that provided peace to my heart. He said: “There are two kinds of people here on earth. Some will live life of happiness, while some will live life of meaning. For those who will live life of happiness, they value the present so much, and live life in the present. While for those who live life of meaning, they hold on to the past and they are very obsessed with the future.” Upon hearing this, the conversation I overheard few weeks ago surfaced again and my mind tried to find a connection between them. This connection is the answer to what I am really trying to have in my life. It is living life of meaning.

How living life of meaning is connected with going abroad? For some it might be irrelevant, or incongruous. But for me, it is deeply coded in my goal of living life of meaning. My mind collects the past and projects things in the future. I gather pieces of history in the backdrop of time and it is in the understanding of my life against the movement of time where I am trying to seek meaning. My goal transcends any boundary. It lies in the borderless space and does not recognize any territorial boundaries, either local or global. I don’t need to go anywhere, because, somehow, deep inside of me, something is telling me that if I just focus my effort, my attention and my extra time in accomplishing my goal, it will bring me anywhere I want, including any uncharted space. The only way for me to reach this goal is to forget the concept of present time, living life not in seeking daily happiness but seeking for my future happiness. My concerted effort must be directed in forward point and start working on the foundations of my future goal (I have started to work on this but it was halted because I took a short detour).

It is because of future why I exist.

Ancient27

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