Please let him know that despite the words that I have written, I still love them. I am not sure if he will loath me after reading this letter or not, but I just need to be honest with what I think and feel.
To The Person I love,
Why do you ignore me deliberately? Are you angry? Do you loath me? Or you just simply don’t care?
I don’t know the reason why after-all of the good times sadness and pain have to take place. I am trying to piece things together and a lot of questions left unanswered.
Did I do something terribly bad? Have you seen something in me unappealing that you have to stay-away? Why do you have to do this? Why?
If you think things will be cleared out by simply ignoring them then I think you are wrong. I am not a machine or toy. I am a human being and need some explanation why things have to go this way.
If you think I am not hurt. Then I am telling you that I am hurt and I am suffering the pains everyday.
You told me before people close to you get hurts. Now I have found the answer. It is not us who inflect pains in ourselves. It is you. Why? Because you avoid confrontations, you keep quite and say nothing at all, and ignore everything that had happened until they will be considered non-existent. Because of this avoidance, you inflict great pains to people who cared and loved you so much. Silence is more painful than pouring out your thoughts, your angst and your reasons. You can yell at me and that’s fine me. You can get angry and that’s fine with me. But leaving me in dark and uncertain situation, I think this is one thing that I cannot bear.
Are you insensitive? Or maybe you just don’t like emotional frills? Or maybe you just cannot face your fears? Whatever it is, you have to say something for you to be responsible of your actions. I took responsibility of what I did and now I am suffering the consequences. How about you?
Maybe my only mistake was that I love you and I had never had a chance to say it to you in person, or had the courage to verbalize it and every time we are together I deny it.
This time, I cannot deny it anymore because as time passes by pain is eating me everyday knowing that you are longer near me. I cannot reach you anymore.
I think you know how much I love you. Please be fair. Give me some answers. Ignoring me is not the way to free me. Let me know your stand and I will respect it. Just be honest with me. If you don’t like me to be your “close” friend anymore then tell me. It will be painful but at least I know than leaving me in dark corners with so many questions.
What did I do that made you change? If you say it’s nothing personal then for me it is because you had never given me a chance to set things right. If you think I am like the others, then you have not known the whole me (and I think you don’t care anymore to know the whole me). I am not like them and I defer to be like them.
You told me I have issues. I don’t have and I just realized it. I only have fears and I have recognized them already. It is you who have a lot of issues and you cannot resolve them if you are not communicating them. Tell me why you have to do this?
I am terribly hurt by what you did. But I cannot afford to hate you because my care and love is overpowering it.
If I still matter (am I?) then let me know your thoughts.
If I don’t then that’s fine with me. I guess I have to forget everything and simply dismiss the thought that we have been friends.
I know you need nothing from me. And that’s the most painful part.
I have cried a lot already. Maybe it is time for me to remove this certain segment of my life and throw it in the unreachable corner of my head. I am telling you now… I have never been hurt with this kind of pain in my whole life. You did not hurt me because you cannot return the love that I have for you. You did hurt me because you ignore me as if I have never existed in this universe.
I hope somehow I still matter to you. I know it doesn’t matter to you if you loose me or not because you have already everything and I am just a speck of dirt that can be easily removed. This is how I feel right now.
I apologize for being so upfront. I just need to be honest with my feelings. This is the difference between you and me.
In spite of everything, I need you emotionally right now. And I guess you cannot give me that.
Don’t worry, I still love you and I will always love you until my final days.
PS. I poured all my tears while I am writing this.
With all my heart,
Kent
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