Azure

(This will be cleaned soon. This is just a draft, just to capture my thoughts.)

Red, was the sky red that time? Was it? It was not purely red, but salmon, for I could distinctly remember the emotions it instilled to me. I cried that afternoon when you suddenly left this place and headed to some unknown land of reasons. My heart wooed but you could not hear it. And all I could remember was the salmon sky slowly casting darkness to the ruins in this field.

Now the sky is not red anymore. It’s azure. Despite the echoes of yesteryears, my heart is calmed for beyond the blue sky I can certainly feel your longings. Over these ruins of a decade war, the voices of our younger selves are calling me again, bringing back the times when we ran through this field, young and arduous, living life in piece-meal of happiness everyday. I heard your chuckle from the distant time, and in the sky I can see your face with that dainty smile that gnawed my very self, that I wished that the joys we had would never fade away with time. All of these became intangible keepsakes of our past, seamlessly floating in the deepest recesses of my memories when every time I feel cold they remind me of the warmth we used to share. With so many memories of us together in my mind, only one that I cannot forget, that late afternoon when I was sitting here and you standing there with your eyes fixed on the farthest reach of the salmon horizon over looking the great city where these ruins came from, when you said goodbye.

“Ivan, I don’t know how to tell you this but I will be joining the Starfleet fighting on the Third Planet of HD1225.” You said with that emotionless face.

“When are you leaving?” I asked with my rugged but cold voice.

You did not answer. And I felt time stopped that very moment, flooding my head with decaying salmon color of the sky turning everything to pit black.

“Tell me. When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow.” You looked at me with teary eyes. “I will be leaving tomorrow,” you said while looking back to the salmon horizon.

“Why you did not tell me before? Why?”

And you replied it with silence. You heard me crying but you did not move nor said anything. Your silence dominated my heart and it was killing me.

“Do I matter to you? Why are you doing this to us, Franz?” I asked with trembling voice.

“Of all the things that happened to my existence, Ivan, you are the only one that I cannot forget. You matter so much to me, so much that if I have just a choice, I will live my life with you forever. You must understand the situation. I have to go there and fight.”

“Understand? How can I understand something I am not prepared to understand? You just told me that you joined the Starfleet. Just right now. We can go there together. Why do you have to do it alone?”

“There are reasons Ivan. And you should have known that.”

“Reasons? What reasons Franz?”

“Just remember this Ivan. You are always special to me, so very special. Just wait for me here and I will tell you the reasons when I come back.”

Then all I could hear was my weep, my heart crying.

For twenty years, the scene of that afternoon keeps playing on my mind and until now I couldn’t find the reasons why you have to go alone.

I guess you have your reasons.

Now, I am looking at the blue sky, satisfied with the thought that somehow there was someone who had created a great wave of joy in my life. I treasured our days so much.