Bow Tie Model of the internet links directed me to a unique humorous website for graduate students, the PhD Comics: Post Avant-Garde Limmericks. Browsing through several previous posts of the website, at first I was grinning while reading through the comics. After few pages, a small hint of longing crept within my body, a longing that I had never felt for years. I am not sad or dismayed. I am not even worried. But there is something I miss, something that I have not been doing for years, after I left the university five years ago.
I miss doing mathematical and physical problems. I miss wondering about the eventuality of different scenarios when applied to certain physical equations. I miss the integral, the ket-bra notation, the gravitational constant, matrix of numbers and set/groups of objects. All of these, I miss them and I have been missing them for years. I long for the days when I was just inside my room in the dormitory scribbling x’s and y’s with some mathematical signs and wrestling with the phenomena of the physical universe waiting to be defeated.
It was not the PhD Comics that instilled this longing of my neglected passion. Francis Paraan’s Friendster profile, the site where I clicked the link of PhD Comics, brought back this interest, this desire, this passion to life and now is asking me to go back, demanding me some answers why I abandoned everything just for some joys residing in a very unstable area of my space-time. He is taking his PhD now and here I am still trying to find my path again to finish my bachelor’s degree.
I am not sad. In fact, I am happy, not because I just want to be happy, but because I have recognized the fact that this passion will haunt me forever, that I have no other recourse but to go back and pursue this interest. This interest for physics and math will surely bring me long-term happiness.
I took a good mug of coffee after browsing the several websites, FP of Francis Paraan, the Physics Forums, paper authors of iprintweb.org and my blog site. Sipped the good liquid caffeine and contemplated on the sum-of-all-histories of my life. Where am I now? What is the probability that I can still make it? Will my path really proceed to the eventual point where I can see the materialization of my childhood dreams? Will I emerge victorious against the scheming of my fate?
Deep inside me, I believe I will make it and I will emerge victorious. However, for me to make this probability an event I need to work hard and I have to bring back my old self. Only through another five years of immersion in the world of numbers and equations can bring me back to my right path. Getting back to the academe is the only way for me to find the door leading to my real joy.
Last night I consulted an Alibata card reader in one of the booths in UP Fair and he reminded me of “Prudence” and “Foresight.” Those nine cards, read as Da-I-Wa, Nga-Ta-Ba and Ha-O-Ga, as explained by reader are about Patience, Time, and my eventual arrival to the desire of my heart. I was only thinking of two things when I had the reading, the desires of my heart, my love to my special someone and my love for math and physics. These two desires indeed need time and patience. It doesn’t mean that I put my hopes to the reading, but it only confirms the state of my heart and mind. Before I had the reading I already knew that there is still have hope, that things will be better soon. One thing, the card reader assured me that I will soon arrive to the right place, by saying that my goals had been blown away by the wind but they will eventually return to their right places. That assurance put my faith forward, that soon I will be back in the world I used to know.
Patience, prudence, time, and hope, I need all of these. It doesn’t mean I will wait for Fate to drop that package of my dreams infront of me. Instead, I have to start working and patiently and prudently trod my way towards my right destination. I know it will be a tumultuous journey but this is the only way to get true happiness that I have been depriving myself for years.
I can say, today, my mind is clear and I have no other goal but to go back to the Academe. The browsing through web and the Alibata reader awakened my inner self. I believe I have something to give to the world that tomorrow is a day of Hope.
I have to remind myself every now and then of this point of affirmation.
-kay
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