Alone

Cold. It's cold.

I blew it.

Yes! I blew it. But why? Why does he need to stay away? Is he forgetting everything? Do I matter to him?

Did I do something that he did not like? Did I overdo things?

If there was something I did that made him to put distance between us, then I terribly regret it. All I just wanted to do was to give him whatever he needed from me, the best that I could do. But I did it in the wrong way. I just blew it.

I forge friendship with people in years, but for him, just in night. I gave my trust to him just in one night, as if that we had known each other for years.

He made me to cook in short period of time. But I only cook for those people I care and it will take them months to convince me to cook. Dang! I blew it.

I blew the friendship that could had been so wonderful, that could had been so intricate and as beautiful as life.

And now I realized, my heart is always in solitude.

No matter what he is going to say, now, I am alone, like the dead bulb of that lamppost. Soon, I will shine again, bursting with light and rejoin him.

I have issues. A lot! But starting today, I will resolve them one by one. I will close my world and limit it to the people who truly "love" me and those who will "love" me. Once I become a strong man, a giant, an immortal, I will go back and look for him.

I blew it. But I don't regret the moments that we had been together for I knew I only offered him "love", in whatever sense it was, and nothing else. Only those moments will remind me that once in my life I encountered a beautiful person like the nebula in the expanse of the universe. And only those moments had reminded me of my old self, redefining, strengthening my words -- "We don't own, we share."

I "love" him. And now I am alone.

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