Terragen: Other Feature Experimentation 1

Now I have the stars, a planet, the light of the dusking star, terrain and water. Few more explorations then I can create endless possible worlds.







So, I think you are dying to ask me how I did this. Well, here's my workspace in Terragen. This is where I created the landscape above.

Terragen: Camera Experimentation

Here are some renderings I obtained from different camera orientation. Now I am learning how to view the whole landscape in different perspective.

Rotation x = -5, y = 20, z = 0

Rotation: x = -5, y = 40, z = 0

Rotation: x = 5, y = 40, z = 0

Rotation: xyz = 0

Position: x: 0, y: 0, z: 0 Rotation: x: -10, y: 45, z: 0

Rotation - x: 0, y: 0, z: 0 Position: x: 1047, y: 1462 z: -2655

Terragen Children: Next Generation

Well, I cannot really stop myself in exploring the capabilities of Terragen 2 program. Now I got another two children. This one is the product of camera angle and rotation experimentation.

Different angle of the first world.

Now this one is really different because I can already insert a planet in the background.

Technorati Tags: terragen, extraterrestrial, future

My First Child with Terragen

I am currently tinkering the Terragen 2 program as well as the Terragen v0.9.

And this is my first born. I think I will be addicted to this program and most of my time will be spent in creating weird terrains of other planets. Expect more to see in the coming weeks.

To try the program, just type "Terragen 2" in google and definitely you will find a new way to spend your spare time.

It is very exciting!

The Winds of Change

I think it is time for me to talk to the weatherman of my life. It is time for the winds of change to pass through my landscape. New features should spring up, giving new beauty to my poem. And I demand changes in my life.

Of Thoughts and Letters

Before I went to sleep this morning, I scoured over my previous blog and journal entries. I realized that all of these years, most of my writings were all about human emotions, about my depression, about my melancholic love story. Honestly, I find them so mawkishly amorous, chronically emotional, and pathetic. I know somehow, someway, they helped me to evade the murderous complications of love. But sometimes it was too much to have a pile of works on this matter.

I need the weatherman to bring the winds of change in this aspect of my life, in my literary life. Instead of doing notes or reflections on love, I think, it is time for me to do expositions on something I observed or something that piqued my ever energetic mind. It is time for me to reach some neuronic orgasm instead of sexual orgasm. I am tired of writing about the matter of the heart, about love, about sex and about romance. The authors who joined me in my intellectual saturnalia must now play important roles in my reflections, something I envisioned to be prolific and valuable content-wise. My understanding of scientific world as well as its philosophical coating will be the center-stage of the next generation of my writings.

So many ideas and concepts were wasted. It was also my fault. I was so lazy to do syntactic and logical analyses of the concepts I was playing around. I was so engrossed with love that I neglected to put them in paper.

What are the things needed to be written? Well, a lot. They encompass a very vast landscape of life, of time, of space. The enigma of the deep space is one of these. Something about the granules of the sand can also tell about the conglomerate of human beings. The existence of the fishes to our existence is very evident and how this had been must be given a little light. If there’s an anthropocentric view, then there is also a gene’s view, relativism in our existence. There are thousands of topics that are playing in my minds and they revolve around the dichotomy of evolutionary physics and mathematical history.

The weatherman will shift my direction from being too sentimental and emotional to something prosaic but cultivated and a little scholarly.

Canvass of Love

I adore realist, expressionist and impressionist paintings. For me they are simulacrum of the real life. And I believe, even now, that they speak of real life. However, every time I look at them, scrutinizing the brush strokes, appreciating the expressions, and imagining the whole landscape they conjure, I am becoming nostalgic, atavistic and again sentimental. This is how I view love in general. However, when I think about love, the world withdraws away from me. And everything will be dark and gloomy leaving me alone and sad. Everytime I think of these kinds of paintings, it reminds me of lonely past and my current mood will be suddenly replaced by depression.

The weatherman must paint something new in my canvass of love, something abstract or post modern. This time all definitions are applicable, any perspective can be assimilated in its ever expanding meaning. Love will no longer exist as a realism of my existence. It will exist as the abstracted meaning of my life, of my ways. I know Pablo Neruda won’t agree with this but I cannot afford to live in love, or to live by love. I have to step on something solid, something rational and reasonable. Love will become an ephemeral substance within and will never be a solid foundation of my existence.

My Piggy Bank

This is really an important part of my life where the weatherman must really intervene. I have to stop living in luxury (to some extent). I was not born with golden or silver spoons. I was born with steel ones. Eating breakfast, lunch and dinner in some classy restaurants must be minimized. Every cent must matter to me. I cannot afford to be irresponsible spender anymore.

It is time for me to have certain affection to my “piggy bank”.

The weatherman must teach me how to be disciplined in managing my finances. I need to remind myself with the story of the “Ant and the Grasshopper”. Being complacent will really bring me a miserable old life. How can I retire in Tibet if I am not going to start saving now?

I am calling the weatherman to intervene in my life and lead me to the direction I want.

Written by: fra ivan
Date: July 19, 2007 1:08 AM

Cosmic Scale War

I am not satisfied with how the war here on earth is being fought. Very primitive. When they say war I am thinking of the following:

1. Shrinking of any star (sun for our case) into a black hole. In Stargate SG-1 the Asgard did this to combat replicators. They shrunk a certain star into a black hole and throw the replicators into it.
2. Adding mass to a certain Jupiter-type planets and make them into star. In this way the whole planet will be destroyed as well as causing system-wide physical imbalances like increase of temperature in some planets. This was done by the Human beings with the use of Klikiss torch in Saga of the Seven Stars by Kevin J Anderson.
3. Radiation cascade. Sending series of radiation bomb in the atmosphere of the planet reducing almost all biological matters of that planet into molecular components. This was done by certain species in Delta quadrant against the species of Neelix in Star Trek Voyager.
4. Time-dilation wrap. Wrapping a whole planet into time-dilation warp. In this way, the time within the warp will slow down while time outside the warp will proceed in normal phase. This will provide ample time for the party outside the warp to develop certain technology to eradicate a whole planet. The Asgards did this to combat the replicators.
5. Cosmic wave, sending wave across a system and reducing certain biological or technological matters into microscopic dust depending on the frequency of the wave.
6. Extinguishing a star of a system. This can be done by sucking out the energy of the sun into some warp field. I think the hydrogues of the Saga of the Seven Suns can do this.
   

These are the just some of the hundred ways to do cosmic war and of these innumerable ways above are my favorite ways. I did not include the star war’s death star. You will need a lot of machineries before you can execute the functionality of that weapon. The best cosmic weapon is the utilization of cosmic objects and space-time fabric, like creating a black hole, a warp, or radiation.

The universe itself is currently at war, between Thermodynamics and Gravity. :)

And when I become the emperor of the universe, well, good luck to all of my enemies. Ha ha ha ha ha!

Naqahdah and the ZPM (Zero Point Module)

“In not so far away future, human beings were able to create a Naqahdah generator, a great source of huge volume of pure energy. After another few decades, they discovered one of the great sources of energy of the Ancient technologies, the ZPM – the Zero Point Module. Naqahdah and ZPM, they sound so nasty… so weird… so alien… but not so ancient. But these are great sources of energy. They can sustain all machines of human beings for thousand of years… insurmountable source of energy. Ha…. Well, they are just the product of the minds of the science fiction writers and doubt that they do really exist. I know things in the Stargate series perplex me so much. Imagine a ZPM, one can get huge quantity of pure energy from vaccum, from space itself (note here space is different from space-time). How this could happen? Energy from empty space? Isn’t it an illusion… from nothing (in human eyes) into something? Hmmmm… after all the universe started this way from nothing to everything. But how? Well, anyway, I don’t want my mind to be occupied by this. I still need to bring my used clothes to the laundry shop. Oh… I need to wash my face first and need to eat something for breakfast before doing anything.”

What in the world am I thinking? The cockroaches are lining up the corner of my room. They are there it’s because of the left-over I put there last night, Yikes…. Need to clean my mess.

“Oh yeah… what in the world am I thinking? Why I am so bothered by Naqahdah and ZPM?”

Oh maybe I just did not get enough sleep last night. Maybe I am thinking too much.

“Now I remember. The whole ZPM concept was in mind four years ago. I developed this idea independently from this one. That was the time when I was so engulfed by the wonder of physics. I remember telling a friend of mine about this.

We were walking along A. Roces in UP Diliman. There was certain mirth in the atmosphere that afternoon. All of the flowers of the fire tree were falling from the branches. While walking down the street, we could feel that the great trees were showering us with the red orange confetti, sending warmth in our hearts.

I was discussing with him the concept of deriving energy from space. Having like a vacuum bulb and drawing energy from it since I knew that time that vacuum devoid of anything tangible and visible, even through the lenses of the most powerful microscopes, even Quantum mechanics cannot detect any particle, can still provide us enormous amount of energy. That time I had a great understanding of space and space-time. Vacuum still carries energy. Like the great universe – from nothing (vacuum) into something the cosmos we have right now.”

Stupid. I am not supposed to remind myself about the past. Those ideas are just childish ideas created by our fanatical engrossment of sci-fi movies. I knew that time that my friend was not listening to me. As if I was talking to the trees that sprinkle red-orange flowers along my way.

“The hell I care about my friend. Deep within, I think it is possible. It is just a matter of physics, a matter of bringing out the equations. But how?

Assessing myself right now…. I am not sure if I can still handle Higher Order Differential equations, if I can still comprehend the symbols of statistical mechanics, if Quantum Theories can still be spoken by heart.

Right now…I feel that I am a wasted intellectual… a dead dreamer with great visions of future.

Right now… I become a mechanical being.

Right now… I am lost in the woods.

Right now… I am a waste in the fabric of space-time.

And I don’t want to explode!”

Written by: Fra Ivan

Date: August 15, 2006 12:01 am

Drizzle

Drizzle

Thousand lights

Were coming to my direction

Headlights,

Stoplights,

And

Faint white lights

Of shops

From afar.

As he walked

Down that street

And

As I was waiting

In this corner,

Drizzle

Of the night

Was fading away.

All I could feel

Was the cold

Breeze

Of contenment.

He smirked

As he caught

My eyes

And

The walls

Of my heart

Crumbled,

Giving away

To that face

In a prim

But charming look.

Oh those eyes

And Kelly-green hoodie!

The rain

Stopped.

And life

Now

Is beautiful.

------------------------------------------------- o0

Seven of Nine: Is it? Yes, it is. Life has been beautiful. (smiling with contentment).

Economic Stoichiometry of “Laswa”

A good friend wrote about the plight of jute (saluyot) leaves in the economic arena of my hometown. Jute leaves, with other vegetables such as eggplant and squash, added with krill or dried small shrimps (dried alamang) are usually cooked in one soup-vegetable dish that we call “laswa”. It is indeed nutrient rich and delicious soup.

Surprisingly, jute plants, in other countries are used to manufacture Jute fibers. In fact, it is one of the strongest natural fabric and the second most important vegetable fiber after cotton for various economic purposes. All my life, I thought Jute is just an ingredient needed for my favorite vegetable soup. Nobody told me and I haven’t known any of its great economic potential in the world market, not until a good friend informed me about this.

Imagine that! Then how come Jute remains a vegetable soup ingredient in my hometown? Did anyone in my hometown explore its economic potential? Jute is being grown there like grass and nobody will care about it until someone will crave to have a good bowl of “laswa.”

For weeks, I have been thinking about the economic equation of my hometown Iloilo. There is big error in its economic stoichiometry. Major economic components are not amplified to balance both sides of the equation. The economic activities are not maximized because of the unbalanced economic factors.

Synthesizing the current economic scenario of my hometown, here are some of the major factors that I could identify, lagging its economic returns maximization rate.

1. Conventional political approach.
2. Inflexibility of economic platform.
3. Insensitivity to the global economic movements.
4. Non-synchronicity of economic agenda
5. Lack of collaborative efforts

This is not all about the “Jute”leaves. This is about the actual local economic set-up. Iloilo had witnessed days of her economic height. Unfortunately, she wasn’t’ able to sustain this height and had been in dormancy for almost half a decade. Right now, Iloilo is beginning to pick up her pace, but I find the current economic platforms unsustainable.

For now, I will limit my thoughts here. I will further expound the enumerated factors above in my next series of economic contemplations. They are pretty vague and it is necessary for me to explain further why they are the hindrances in local economic movement, specifically in my hometown.

I am hoping that Jute plants won’t be limited only on the table of Ilonggo families in the future. (Hala antok na ako)

Technorati Tags: iloilo, jute, laswa, local economy, saluyot

Subjective Consciousness

My mind is floating somewhere in the unknown space of my universe. The bed was waiting fo me, but it couldn’t induce myself to sleep. Maybe, my neurons were just doing some overtime. After few hours, I felt so tired, so I decided to lie down on not that so comfortable bed. Still, my wires were kicking frantically and I couldn’t resolve myself to sleep. So, I decided to go online and watched some video clips in YouTube.

What did I watch? Well, nothing interesting. I only watched clips on “Evolution” and “Origin of Life.” Boring? Right? Actually NO, I really find them interesting. At least I have seen the visual representation of some scientific concepts that are sometimes difficult imagine. Let’s admit it. I am an evolutionist. Or shall I say I am a Darwinist. Even my core philosophy in life is dominated by this theory, by this perspective. I always view things in evolutionist ground.

Of course, I skipped those clips that showed explanations of evolution in creationist perspective or in “grand and intelligent design” premise. I am not really a fan of this perspective. Creationist view is quite shaky in my opinion. I cannot force my mind to believe this view of origin of life. And I don’t know why my mind is inclined to have my vote on the Evolutionist side.

Anyway, I am not going to expose my contentions here against Creationism. I would rather use my ink in writing my reflections today on Evolution.

After watching several clips for an hour or so, I encountered a clip on Richard Dawkins. He was asked by someone on what would be his last quest. And he answered “Subjective Consciousness.”

Subjective consciousness for me is Relativity working on the feedbacks of objective consciousness. In response to Dawkins quest, I reflected on the subject and wrote the following on a sheet of paper on my computer desk (I always have a sheet of paper on my computer desk):

“Subjective consciousness is the by-product, an offshoot of brain activities in response to the evolution of group interaction. It is rooted on the response mechanism of a complex neural interaction of every individual within a group doing complex dynamics of interaction. Also, the existence of human language heightened this consciousness in human population.”

I am not pretty sure of the meaning of the things I was writing, but I believe everything boils down to the mathematics of complex systems.

So, I googled complex systems.

And it dawned to me that I am somehow fascinated by this field of mathematics since time immemorial. I have this thing of investigating the complex interactions of human beings as well as some collective systems.

Physicists call this field as Homeokinetics, or the science of evolutionary complexity. And it covers, as for now, the following:

1. History of humankind (events in time and space)

2. Making sense of value systems (memory in complex systems)

3. Introduction to science and systematic study

4. Movement and change: basic ideas in flow systems

5. Cultural systems, including human, as flow systesm

6. Social chemistry of cultural systems

7. Chemistry: general principles

8. Biochemistry of living systems

9. The living organism as a biological-biophysical system

10. Geophysical systems that support life

11. The physical universe

It basically incorporates physical science in social systems.

Now, I know the field where I am going to focus my attention. It’s Homeokinetics! I am not really interested in the actual effect of this field in the case of Homo sapiens. But I am more interested in drawing up the general mathematics that explains all dynamics of complex systems in one equation, because somehow I believe that this can be the amalgam of Gravitational Physics and Quantum Physics (But I am not really sure of this. It is just a random thought). Complex interaction is the reality of our universe, from its jittery space-time fabric, to the species of its innumerable planets, and up to the cosmic chaos. I think the Theory Everything lies on the mathematics of complex systems.

How about subjective consciousness? How is it related to complex systems? For me, the event of encountering subjective consciousness through Dawkins inspired me to refine my focus in life. That’s my meaning of “Subjective Consciousness.”

Technorati Tags: evolution, homeokinetics, human beings, R. Dawkins, YouTube

Alone

Cold. It's cold.

I blew it.

Yes! I blew it. But why? Why does he need to stay away? Is he forgetting everything? Do I matter to him?

Did I do something that he did not like? Did I overdo things?

If there was something I did that made him to put distance between us, then I terribly regret it. All I just wanted to do was to give him whatever he needed from me, the best that I could do. But I did it in the wrong way. I just blew it.

I forge friendship with people in years, but for him, just in night. I gave my trust to him just in one night, as if that we had known each other for years.

He made me to cook in short period of time. But I only cook for those people I care and it will take them months to convince me to cook. Dang! I blew it.

I blew the friendship that could had been so wonderful, that could had been so intricate and as beautiful as life.

And now I realized, my heart is always in solitude.

No matter what he is going to say, now, I am alone, like the dead bulb of that lamppost. Soon, I will shine again, bursting with light and rejoin him.

I have issues. A lot! But starting today, I will resolve them one by one. I will close my world and limit it to the people who truly "love" me and those who will "love" me. Once I become a strong man, a giant, an immortal, I will go back and look for him.

I blew it. But I don't regret the moments that we had been together for I knew I only offered him "love", in whatever sense it was, and nothing else. Only those moments will remind me that once in my life I encountered a beautiful person like the nebula in the expanse of the universe. And only those moments had reminded me of my old self, redefining, strengthening my words -- "We don't own, we share."

I "love" him. And now I am alone.

Technorati Tags: friendship, solitude

The Soulmaker: Close My Gate!

The City of Lights - by tigaer of gfxartist.com

I’m tired.

After years of intervening and interfering with human affairs, I feel so exhausted. My cosmic energy had been sucked out, putting everything to ground state. Now I am confused. I am lost. Am I the same god who abandoned the ethereal realms?

I am the Soulmaker, the immortal, the god who knows the beauty of human emotions, the eventuality of human interaction -- the end of everything. I am not mortal but I know the mortal ways. I have been mortal to know the mortal ways. And I overstayed in this mortal land. Now, I am acting like them, living like them, denying my immortal soul.

Now that I have known the beauty of mortal life, my time here is up. It is the right moment for me to claim my immortality again. I will be leaving the mortal realm and go back to my inner world, to the castle in the farthest reach of Elysian field. It will be difficult to go back but I don’t have a choice. If I stay, I will be marred forever. I will be rotting like the dead mortal flesh. I will be insignificant against the infinite expanse of the universe. I have to go through the hardship, removing all humane side of me, purging out all the irrational constituents of my existence, which human called emotions, to claim the thrown I had abandoned long time ago.

Sanctuary - by: bumskee of gfxartist.com

My journey will start here, infront the gate of my dreamworld. Once I am inside, I will close the door and I will never ever open it to anyone. No mortal man can enter it again. No more side trips for they will waste my time. I have to confront what I need to confront. I have to face what I need to face. Only the Fates and the Kindly Ones know what I am supposed to do.

I don’t know what things I will be encountering in my journey, but there is one thing I am sure of, at the end of it, at the end of everything, I will have my immortal soul again. This time I shall journey not in the mortal land but in the immortal realms.

Now the door is closed.

Time is up! - by: Wallace of gfxartist.com

-- I wrote this entry when I deleted all my online accounts such as friendster, multiply, hi5, guys4men, etc... including my forums account. Time for me to back-off from cyberia. This is the only packet I am going to maintain. Life is terribly chaotic.

Technorati Tags: networking

Dreams

When I am sad, my mind usually flies somewhere, in some distant land. This place defies reality, space and time. And I make sure that I put the experience into something visual, something tangible that can be felt by the rest of humanity. But only me knows the real story behind them.

Welcome to the world of my dreams. This time they are manifested in truncated photos (not so good shots) through the gradient map effect of Adobe CS2.

The Castle

The Forest



Modernity



Golden Sky




The Sea of Valhalla




That Island




In the Eyes of the Xindi's

Technorati Tags: adobe CS2, dreams, eclectic, my mind, photomanipulation

Extrasomatic Evolution

In this century humans are engrossed to solve the mystery of their existence, from cellular investigation to cosmic exploration. They are restless in finding solutions to the innumerable quintessential “why’s.” Cells of every species have been scrutinized diligently in the hope that they can provide answers to the missing link of our evolution. Stars, planets, galaxies and nebulas have been scoured painstakingly in the hope to obtain answers to the problems of our lone existence. Indeed, human curiosity set the energy and momentum of scientific breakthroughs to hurdle insurmountable achievements.

Today, I read the news about the creation of “Artificial Life” from the cellular level. "Creating protocells has the potential to shed new light on our place in the universe," Mark Bedau, chief operating officer of ProtoLife in Venice, claimed. Yes, they are planning to build life from the scratch, build life in cellular form. And what can we get? "This will remove one of the few fundamental mysteries about creation in the universe and our role.” Definitely! Once we figured out the basic workings of the cellular components, we can create minute working machines, something that will help us in our complicated existence. We can figure out the fundamental driving force of our life, our life force, organons, according to the classic naturalists. When this project will be successfully carried out, chiliads of day to day applications will be derived from it, from pharmaceutical to entertainment, and numerous scientific riddles will be given clear cut answers.

Upon reading the whole article and as I reflected on it, I realized that human beings are really serious to break their limitations of existence. They are tirelessly seeking for extensions of their organic capabilities from inorganic world. This is what we call extrasomatic evolution, utilization of non-biological and non-cellular elements to aide the organism in simplification (easy way to maximize resources) or continuation of its existence.

Now I am wondering if anyone here knows about our extrasomatic organs (as I simply call them). This is not the first wave of our scientific achievements that provide us comfort and aide in our existence. In fact, we have created a lot of extrasomatic organs since the beginning of human civilization, like for example technology. Clothes are also on of our basic sample of Homo sapiens extrasomatic organs. As far as I can remember we are the only species who can live in all extreme weather conditions and this because of the protective coverings we had invented.

Computers are considered as the extrasomatic organ of our brain. They help us to maximize our thinking capabilities, driving us to do daily processes that cannot be done by our less explored brain. They can do calculations beyond our imagination. Inevitably, they had been an integral part of our existence.

Human beings will really do everything to eliminate their physical frailties. They are keen to break all barriers set by nature, to give new meaning to existence, to life, to death and immortality.

White's Trilogy

Do you really want to know the real landscape of a queer life? I recommend you to read Edmund White.

White understands the intricate weaving of the fabric of queer life. His trilogy had exposed the intertwining myriad faces of queer people. Capturing the core philosophy of queer life in expository novel is a dangerous task because it may misrepresent the whole queer populace. On one hand, White was able to give his readers a firm and stable understanding of queer life, without compromising the elements of a good novel. And this is the reason why he is first in the list of my LGBT readings.

He speaks of beauty and elegance of young queer life, the treacherous hide-seek of the adulthood, the joy of exploration, the tears of the queer eyes, the mute pain of queer heart, the love and affection of the four arms of two men, desire, sex, infidelity, honesty, the mirth of skirmishing the bodies of men, the reciprocation and non-reciprocation, confusion and stability, the tremendous responsibilities of a queer person both personal and social, and the melancholy and sadness of knowing that all of your queer friends are one by one retreating from the stage and knowing that in the end, it is you, and only you who will carry the lifelong memories of joy, love, anger, pain and hate. He summed up the full landscape of queer life in three books and one will be surprised that a queer life is as same as the life of the so called “normal” people.

White showed that we are just like anyone. We have family. We know pain. We know love. We are not less than any human being.

White’s Trilogy:

A Boy’s Own Story

The Beautiful Room is Empty

Farewell Symphony

Neural Connection

After drinking few cups of cappuccino in CBTL Gateway, the circuits of my mind went wild again, connecting my neurons containing information on evolution and game theory. I am not really familiar with Game Theory but I have a good knowledge about evolution. Currently, I am reading Dawkins. I finished his Ancestor’s Tale. And now the Selfish Gene is being processed in my biological information system. My previous readings somehow developed this connection, from the influential and informative reflections of Stephen Jay Gould and the anthropocentric work of Luigi Luca Cavalli-Sforza to the complicated view of Nash. Hundreds of lines and thoughts juggled inside my mind figuring out the role of Game Theory in complex systems evolution, such as the biological evolution of species and the cosmic evolution of stars and galaxies. Experimental and theoretical biologists and mathematicians had developed a field called “Evolutionary Game Theory” to provide a clear view of this blurry connection.

On one hand, my mind also threw several questions that I have to resolve personally:

1. What is the role of sex (copulation) in evolution, in global sense and how is it to represented mathematically?
2. How would we incorporate the myriad human personalities in deriving the equation of human interaction?
3. Is there a general equation that can provide a global view of species evolution?
4. Do genes play a vital role in the macroscopic interaction of any species? If yes, how this can be ascribed in mathematical equation?
5. Do quantum mechanics play a vital role in this field?
6. What are the best tools that can totally describe the processes, events and interactions of species?
7. Do I know anything about Evolutionary Game Theory?
8. How about free will or the capacity of human beings to decide? Is this included in the model?
9. What are the dynamics of the evolutionary game theory?
10. Is Monte Carlo Stimulation connected to this field? How?

Hundreds of questions were battering my head. And I couldn’t answer even one of them. I felt the need to buy books that could give some light. Unfortunately, I am living in a country that books touching these topics are scarce. I am desperate to know the answers.

Good thing a friend of mine arrived and I was forced to shelf those reflections. We began discussing the different dealings of human beings.

I thought of another cup of cappuccino.

Fra ivan 20070816

Alien Journal 1: On Homo sapiens Copulation

Mreskeh Experimental Entry 785-258-01: On Homo sapiens Copulation

I got this opportunity to observe the activities of a certain species in the third planet, known to us as Mral, of the star system Drak (the sentient beings of this star call it Sol/Sun). The first thing I observed was their ways of copulation. They call themselves as Homo sapiens and I am not sure why they are formally called this way which they do not commonly speak of it.

Of the thousand species I have observed so far, they are the only species with astounding and puzzling ways of copulations. I cannot derive any positive generalization from my observations.

First, the place of copulation. Homo sapiens can copulate anywhere. I want to make it clear, anywhere. Well some species of this planet also display same attitude however Homo sapiens are really unique because they can copulate inside their traveling machines. They can also do this beside the waste place (trash bin in their language), or even in the dark corners of the street. The funny thing with them is that they are hiding while doing it, afraid to be seen by their co-species. It is weird for me to note because copulation in most species of this planet is not done in hidden way. Why are they trying to hide it? I cannot ascribe the main reason why they are doing this because in our community we celebrate the day by inviting all the members of the colony every time we copulate and they have to see us copulating.

Second, the period of copulation. Our species copulates only during 274 prah 21 mrah (noontime of the 4^th day of the 7^th month in human terms). Homo sapiens are really unique, they copulate anytime. No specific time. In 3600 seconds of their day, you can find several couples copulating around the planet, actually I found out that in one instance there are about 300,000++ couples mating. That’s only in one instance. I can’t really believe this. They copulate in the morning when they wake up, during noon, before they sleep, and quickie in the afternoon while doing household chores.

This species really fascinates me.

The third part is the way they copulate, in technical terms, the methods the way they do it. Under this observation I have several parameters but I limit my focus on the partners involved.

I was shocked by this.

There are two forms of Homo sapiens. One has a protruding part of its skin that hardens and elongates before and during the process of copulation. The other one has a hole that expands when the protruding part of the skin is being inserted. It is funny to note that both partners are somewhat reddish during the process. This distinction, male and female, has no counterpart in our species. We don’t have a male or a female. We copulate through sac-fluid-sharing (conjugation in human terms).

The devastating side of my observation is the way they copulate. I observed male-female, male-male and female-female. Only male-female copulation will produce successful offspring. What piqued my mind is the copulation between male-male and female-female. Also, I happen to observe mass copulation – all forms of Homo sapiens in one room exercising the rituals of copulation.

The way Homo sapiens copulate violates the Law of Reproduction in our world but the Laws of Genetics are working fine.

This is really something new. My mentor did not make a mistake in choosing this species as our main target of observation. The level of biological process in their lifestyle is very complicated that even me the highest honored biologist of my star system cannot fully comprehend.

The male-male or female-female copulation is a very interesting deviation from the normal copulation process of this species. They are just like us. However they cannot successfully produce offspring through these methods. Now, this brings me to the question of what would be the purpose of these methods. Are these necessary in future evolution of Homo sapiens? Is this an integral part of their natural growth as a species?

For now, I cannot answer these questions. There is something deep in the human evolutionary formation that leads to this kind of cases. It could be in their genetic coding or it could be a complex-social-interaction by product. Or, it has something to do with the deep meaning of human existence.

I have to end this journal for I have to attend the second phase of my reproductive cycle. In few seconds I will be splitting into two beings.

Not Much

Boredom dominated my day. Laziness put me in slumber. Every time I got up from my bed, it would eventually pull me back. I verily knew that my chi flow was terribly truncated. Indeed, lethargy caught my body to rest languorously.

Despite my physical inertness, my mind was in an absurd restlessness. It jumped from one thought to another, from the real world to imaginary, from something clear to something blur, from focused to off-tangent, from bacteria to black hole. Insanity was gnawing my neurons one by one.

Nothing much happened today except for some mental traipse.

I remembered the film I watched last night, “No Regret.” It’s a Korean gay film coated with emotional turmoil while exposing the dramatic irony of unconventional love. The script was perfectly crafted that it projected certain epiphanies of my life. I thought of the boys I slept with, of the bodies I had explored, of the moments I enjoyed, of things I had done, both physical and emotional. I thought of myself trapped, chained, but not forever, in the intricate web of queer life.

I thought of Edmund White, of James Baldwin, of Gore Vidal, of Paul Monette, of all the gays who have trodden the same path. Then my mind flashed the faces of the people I had seen in G4M, in Friendster, in gaydar.be, in Myspace, in Hi5, Picturetrail, and DudeNude. My mind imitated the smell of male pheromones as exuded by my bed, to remind me of the bodies of the guys I slept with. I could see the carnal eyes of sexually thirsty guys standing in every corner of the streets, waiting to be noticed, waiting to be invited for a momentous evening. I could read the messages successively posted in MIRC. I thought of Boris, of Harley, of moments with them that had taught me lessons that would change me forever. I thought of my innocence, of my corruption, fleeting moments that jaded me. My world is unapologetic. But this won’t prompt me to regret. And I won’t regret every decision I made.

Then I remembered my dream. I was flying with millions of different butterflies around me. I saw the edge of the world.

And then my mind explored my neurons, brought up all the movies I had watched, all the novels I’d read, the storylines that were suppressed, the pages of the books that passed through my eyes. The life I created.

I was supposed to write a review of “No Regret.” But my mind was unwilling to coordinate with my hands. Then I remembered a lot of ideas had not been transformed into words, The Love in Schrodinger Equation, The Economic Stoichiometry of “Laswa”, the Meaning of Everything, and Conversation with Noah.

Then, there’s Wanda, the humor of his writings, the beauty of our lives.

All these years, I have been an energetic player in this circuitous queer life. However, the Fates and Furies reminded me of my humanness, my vulnerabilities and weaknesses. I was wearied by its inexhaustible possibilities. I felt defeated. Maybe it was just the start of my rest, of my retreat. It’s time for me to go backstage and observe, from afar, the queer world in its chaotic revolution. Saturnalias must end. And I saw the serious side of my life.

Then I remembered that only moments would matter.

Then I remembered the stars, the galaxies, the Big Bang, the role of infinity, the number zero, the first moment I learned how to add, the matrix, the chirality of molecules, the connection between bacteria and myself, the cockroaches, then Kafka, Camus, and the laundry stinking in one corner of my room.

For the first time, I felt the benign indifference of the universe.

Today, I am telling you, nothing really happened in my life. Not much. I was just there in my bed, in languid state.

Playground

The biggest playground of human being is LOVE, in whatever sense you may call it, ephemeral love, romantic love, unreciprocated love, filial love, parental love, narcissistic, oedipal, “electral”, requited love, mute love, contrapuntal love, true love or whatever abstract definition of love. Human beings are longing to have either one or more of these.

Love is an imaginary plane where everyone is playing. It is a very vast playground where everyone can have games.

There is the swing where someone can oscillate back and forth, the love of someone stopping at two points. Then there’s the see-saw, the up and down, like undulating love, at certain times high, then will fade away, and then back again to its height. Others prefer to stay on the top of the slide because they are afraid to fall. Others may decide to go with the pull of gravity, taking the risk, sliding through it until they reach the ground. On one corner, the merry-go-round is waiting to take the riders in a joyride, passing through the same points while going up and down. Some may take the climber, effort is needed to reach the top. Or, they may take the jungle gym or maze, traversing points to get the love. On the other side, some will play in the sandbox, building castles for their fantasy land. Then there’s the bouncing place, the trampoline, bouncing one love to another. Some will just pick flowers, enjoying the joy of love. Others may take a walk in the garden to take things calm and easy. Most will sit on the benches waiting for their turns. Or few may just simply sit there watching how everyone is playing. But only very few will sit in one corner, contented and enjoying the beauty of love.

There are thousands of games in this playground and everyone would play the game/s they want.

But, what about me?

I am the keeper of the playground, the keymaster

There is only one kind of love that cannot be found in this playground, True love, the love of the immortals. This love is the “ivory towers and golden pinnacles” on the peak of the mountain where heaven and earth meet, overlooking a vast paradise, serenaded by a thousand falls. This is the place where everyone can find true happiness.

I may sometimes play with them but I can’t own one of them. As a builder, I cannot be with them. And those deserving beings who ask for True love, I will show them the path leading to the peak of the mountain.

There in the “ivory towers and golden pinnacles” the souls of “true lovers” will rest and tranquility and mirth of existence will be obtained by them.

Human love is perfectly contained in this playground, full of life, joy, happiness, surprises, hope, understanding, care, concern, honesty, freedom and support. But it is also full of bitterness, hatred, envy, jealous, angst, deceit, dismay, misunderstanding, abandonment, and confusions. It gives life. It grants death.

For me.

I take its beauty and elegance so I may go home and feel the arms of those who love me.

Equation

You put A

And I put B.

I said

Let’s put

Plus sign (+)!

You said no

Because we will be 1.

What are we going to do?

You said

Let’s put

Minus sign (-)!

I said no

Because one

Will be less the other.

How about X?

No because we cannot multiply.

How about division sign (/)?

No because we will be divided.

Let’s put asterisk (*)

An operator,

Only Abstract space can tell.

I put the integral (∫)

For everything around us

And you put dx dy dz

For all the changes that may occur.

Then

I put equal sign (=).

And we get

Infinite possible solutions.

You take a solution.

And I take the whole equation.

Serodia

I learned from a certain diagnostics laboratory that the medical society commonly uses Serodia to test a person if he/she is seropositive. When I got home this noon I hurried directly to my computer and scoured the cyber-universe for vital information about Serodia.

Serodia is one of the easiest and quickest to use test kits for detection of antibodies to Human Immonudeficiency Viruses type 1 and/or type 2 in human serum/plasma. In average, you need only a day to know the result of the test. This test is based on the particle-agglutination assay and it can be done without the complicated steps of instruments.

I write about Serodia not because I want to explore the topic on HIV/AIDS. What motivated me to write is the realization that bio-medical sciences is developing in exponential way with the help of modern physics, modern chemistry, genetics, virology, and other connected fields of science.

In connection to Serodia, ELISA was the established test utilized to initially detect the presence of HIV in person’s blood. However, due to complicated processes involved, researchers were able to simplify the detection process and were able to produce a simple test kit that will shorten the time of testing. In this way, errors and false-results will be minimized if not completely zeroed-out. What is ELISA and what is Particle-agglutination assay?

ELISA, Enzyme-Linked Immuno-Sorbent Assay, in simplest term, is the process of measuring the concentration of a certain substance in a fluid with the aid of complicated instruments. On one hand, particle-agglutination assay is a simple one-process test, like mixing of milk and water, that can be easily done by medical personnel who is not trained to operate complicated instruments.

Comparative researches were done to test the validity of this new process, particle-agglutination assay, and somehow showed confident and positive results. This process can give the same result as ELISA but would require lesser steps to get accurate results.

Right now, pharmaceutical companies are still improving the reactivity and return analysis of this kind of tests. They are embarking on the so-called “third generation” testing kits to provide worldwide communities with efficient, accurate and reliable viral detection and characterization.

Nowadays, it is normal for us to hear new technologies introduced in the market, like mobile phones, laptops, cars, refrigerator, and other household mecha-helpers. However, we barely ask ourselves about the development in medicines, physics, chemistry or even archeology because they have no direct help to our day to day life. Even we go to the clinic we don’t even bother to ask the personnel to what kind of test they are going to do. Now, I think I have to address the issue here. The above development, the particle-agglutination is already a big step in demolishing the barriers of prevention and even cure of dreadful diseases that we meet in the whole course of our existence.

A simple housewife will say “hell I care about Serodia”, but for sex workers and promiscuous people, this kind of stuff is important for them. Africa badly needs this kind of development to combat the alarming growth of HIV positives.

It is not only important for us to know the development on things that pamper our vanity. We also need to know what’s going on with the scientific world that can provide us a little help with our health. I know existentialist, wont agree with this, but most human beings ask more for life, to survive, to exist.

Serodia is not the only case, last time I read from an article that ameobiasis can be detected now through saliva. Testing kits on Hepa and some dreadful diseases induced by notorious and killer viruses are also developing in leaping rates.

I have faith in science.

Someday all we need to do is to enter a room and when we go out a disk of result will be provided to us telling us all the diseases we have, our genetic coding, as well all the things we can do to cure, to tame, or to eradicate the diseases.

We tend to forget giving credits to the people who work behind the scene to provide us all the comforts we have now. I salute all the scientists of the world.