A Short Jitter in My Spacetime

A paper on tensor, “Tensors without Tears,” jolted some electricity in the neurons of my brain, stirring up more oxytocins and serotonin, making me mad, making me to think of how things are faring in my life. Maybe, I am currently undergoing certain undefined or erratic transformation in my life.

They are back, yes they are. MF is popping in and out of my life, and he is now appearing again in the scenes of my daily routine. We are back to the early morning YM chat and early morning green jokes. CJT is reappearing now. Just few minutes ago, I read his post in a forum and he expected to be here in Manila anytime soon. WTF, why is it that when MF is doing a come back in life, CJT will suddenly appear in the scene? Why is it that things are happening in cycle? What kind of fool am I? Am I ready to be hurt again, to be bothered again by pestering demons in my life, now that I have found the tranquil path and the dedication of treading this path with focus and conviction?

Better yet, I have to drop all of this.

I need to discipline myself not to open the forum again, not to interact with MF. Afterall, if I really matter to him he will find ways to see and to talk to me.

Maybe I should listen to Lui and Hani, to ignore all of them, just focus on things that are more important, that need my utmost attention, to be prioritized.

Another jitter comes in and that’s JG. I don’t know what I really feel for him. Maybe it is just lust and not love. Maybe I am just admiring him. Maybe he is just an Aramis for me.

I have simply to say that all of these are the determining factors driving me to make the transformation happen. I need an operator to make this thing happen. My tensors must show the exact state of my life of my disposition.

I have to do a decision now. It is now or never.

All of these jitters must not affect the whole state of my being. I must remain constant and not be affected by these jitters. The Law of Me shall be the law of me from here to eternity.

The universe is created by the jitters of its spacetime. I am made by the jitters of my spacetime.

Music Box: Take A Chance and Love (I know these songs talk about Love. However this doesn’t mean that I have to pursue what I feel. All of my feelings and emotions for love, they will remain as songs in my head.)